Michael seized the gift and tore at it with youthful anticipation. Scraps of red wrapping paper flurried about like sparks on a grindstone. There was only one possible gift that was the same size and weight as the package he held. And in the deepest fiber of his being he knew with absolute certainty that he held a millennium falcon replica. But as the last bits of paper wafted to the ground he found himself staring at a birdhouse kit. He managed a weak, insincere smile to his mother, even as the sci-fi nerd inside him squeaked weakly, curled into a little ball and died with a hollow sigh. How, he thought, could ‘millennium falcon’ be interpreted as ‘birdhouse kit’? 

And so Christmas passed, and New Year dashed into the headlights and was plowed over in an instant. And still the birdhouse kit sat on Michael’s desk, untouched. And with every day that passed, the boy’s wicked disdain for the gift increased, until he finally thought to construct a fake letter, addressed to Santa Claus, but aimed at his mother. He didn’t believe in Santa, of course, but that was the point; his mother had no inkling of that.

In anger he scribbled; with contempt he signed; until, at last, he (mock) sweetly and (mock) innocently asked his mother to proofread the letter. It read: “Dear Santa,

I am grateful beyond words for this birdhouse kit which I didn’t even deign to ask for. What hubris for me to dismiss it as too childish. Too elementary. Sure, the millennium falcon would have occupied my attention for hours keeping me from television and unsavory characters and such. But a birdhouse! What fun to construct! What warmth of heart for those poor homeless birds! Why should my concerns be any higher than theirs? I admit, I was a bit thrown by the Dollar General sticker on the bottom of the box, but I’m sure you can’t account for every decision your elves make. Thank them for me, will you?”


Michael S.


10 thoughts on “Bird-what?!

  1. Hubris… A+++++++. Super set up and letter! The mordant tone of the boy is totally effective too. 🙂

  2. emmarapp says:

    i love how you didnt just start out with your letter but told a story

  3. And I wish I could like this four times! 🙂 I loved it when you said that New Year’s got plowed over. Great job with this Jen! 🙂

  4. jdog9881 says:

    Great job, bro. I loved the letter. The sarcasm was awesome. I would have to say my favorite line is, “New Year dashed into the headlights and was plowed over in an instant

  5. Nancy Beach says:

    My favorite line was, “…curled into a little ball and died with a hollow sigh”. Made me want to run out and buy Michael the millennium falcon. Creative idea to write it as story!

  6. ahkrapp says:


  7. ahkrapp says:

    Im sorry but you wrote youth i couldnt help it ver y good well writen it was a pleasure to read

  8. powells222 says:

    this is so creative! I loved how you set everything up. I also liked how you added the story apposed to just a letter.

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